Hope...and Perspective

Life is so weird. Some people take life with long-term goals, others can’t look beyond today. Most people seem to be somewhere varying back and forth in between. I used to have long term goals…at least somewhat. I thought I knew what I desired. Our culture is very good at making opportunities seem so satisfying. They’re not even close! And I fell to the belief that flying in the Air Force or completing a degree in Electrical Engineering would ultimately satisfy my desires. We have the luxury in this country to think long term. Or so we think. And then we get upset when life messes up our delicate plans. Perhaps it’s God’s way of graciously showing us once again that he’s in control. His wake-up call that every thing we put our trust in except for Him is fallible, bound to disappoint and ultimately hurt us. Heh, I wish he’d do this to me more often before my heart gets so attached to my pursuits – the pain would then be far less when once again I must jump the ever growing divide between what I think are my desires and my God.

Not too long ago, I hated the word hope, especially when I'd read about it in the Bible. Why? It means I have to be patient, to trust. To go through pain, hardship, put forth effort without immediate return. And I think I hate it the most because if I don’t see an immediate return in front of me, I don’t believe it could come. I don’t trust. Sure, there must be something that drives us all to continue in life. That drive is the hope that there is something worth living for. Without hope in Christ, that drive can be a number of things – alcohol, sex, relationships, adventure. And when we try to enjoy these things apart from God, they become idols – they poorly but for a time seductively and successfully take the place of our God. But they never satisfy. I think that’s why it’s impossible to overcome an addiction without Christ – if our desires aren’t being met by Him, we can try to overcome that addiction, but we’ll soon run back to it again and again or look somewhere else for satisfaction…and never find it. We can suppress one addiction, but something else will soon pop up.

God does though desire to satisfy our desires. And sometimes we even pursue the desire he would have us pursue – but we do it without him. It’s like running – the course we run can be the right course, but if we don’t have the right fuel, we won’t make it…or make it well. And yes, often times we run the wrong course too. I am so often fickle – I react to what’s immediately in front of me. To a certain extent, that’s good. It allows me to pursue Christ without understanding the whole picture. But it also allows me to get sidetracked. I’ll sometimes react to whatever’s in front of me, not even realizing that I’ve forgotten Christ. Until he once again shows me and brings be back to him. For some reason, though, I’m able to rebound too quickly it seems at times. I hide…bury the hurt from myself and rush forward again on the limited strength I have left. Only to soon fail once again. Sometimes I wish God would just let me run hard into the ground with no strength left.